This summer, I didn't really do anything taxing, I didn't go anywhere far but every part of it was fruitful.  God helped me to rebuild relationships that I struggle with, He turned events that I didn't want to join into joy.  He allowed me to spend time with others, with people that I didn't intended to see.

This summer that I managed to have great fun with GKs at the GK camp, God has helped me to gain passion for youth also.  Before I thought I would only be able to teach children at primary level, as I thought children at kindergarten level are too troublesome and youths will be too cocky or they will treat me too much like a friend and disrespect me.  But last year, God helped me to learn that I can work with kindergarten children and this year, I can work with youths.

Besides that I've managed to go on short trips with my friends - Macau and boat trip.  As with my family, this summer I really got to bond with my dad and brother, just ourselves with no distractions.  I can feel that my brother finally feels completely comfortable around me and the way I communicate with my dad is much less superficial.  My love for my dad has grown.  For awhile I thought of him like an uncle (a person related by blood), but now recognising him as my father has slowly reestablished. 

This summer I dreaded going to my cousin's wedding, as I don't really like socialising with my dad's side of the family, so many rules, so many people I have to respect whom I don't like.  But going to this wedding has helped me to gain a slight understanding of my grandmother.  Yes, with the way she speaks, she is still like a time bomb (never know when will she say something hurtful).  I always thought she hated me because of my relationship with my mum, so she always moan at me with everything I do, but I saw the way she spoke to my brother (the grandchild she most love) was pretty much the same as they way she speaks to me.  So most of the things she said, which I thought she said them because she didn't like me was not so.  It's just the style she speaks.  I asked her whether she was happy 1st time going to her grandchild's wedding, she said yes, but she said she would be much happier if she came to mine as my family name is 'Hon'.  Wow, never expected to hear that.

This incident made me learn that we often too defensive with what we hear or say that we lose the simiplicity of building a relationship with others.  We often think too much of the other person's motive, often this is what causes arguements at home.  From this lesson I learned, I managed to share with my 'Pak Leung' and another cousin whom I didn't expect to talk to this summer.  God has allow me to listen to my 'Pak Leung' as she is in deep anger with my 'Pak Fu' for two years.  Through listen to her, I tried to apply God's teachings and has also made me see even more how people need the Lord.

God has made every part of my summer fruitful.  Even though I don't feel as if I have rested at all, but every part of it was worthwhile.  Before, I would always think about how can I especially shine for Jesus in front of non-Christians, but this summer I've learnt as long as I'm true to myself, true to God and show the people love as God has shown me to them, they will see I'm different from the rest.  Mark 7:15 Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.  I pray that once they see this difference in me that they will begin to be curious about who God is and turn back to their creator, the Lord of all.

Just when we humans with our little minds, with our faithless attitudes.  Just when we are about to accept the circumstance for the way it is, God makes a way!  He doesn't work according to our schedule, He doesn't work faster as we get impatient with the circumstance.  He works in His own perfect timing, allowing us to see His grace and provision.

I've set my mind in getting some quality time with God since June, I was hoping as soon as my summer holiday starts that was what I was gonna do.  But just when I was feeling really excited about this plan, I encountered a lot of close doors, a lot of stumbles.  I boldly phoned many places, but was all booked up or they didn't accept single participants.  The one that accepted me got my phone number wrong previously so they can only offer dates that I had other important appointments.  In the mist of all these disappointments, I felt I was a love sick puppy, who can't get to see her dream man!

I looked at my schedule at the remaining days of my summer, it was so packed, I feel I was domed to have to go without  this quality time.  I was on the verge of telling myself, either you lock yourself at home for the days you initially planned for the quality time or you will have to go without.

Only 3 days prior to my planned days, I saw no way out.  Every organisation I looked for needed at least a week or two weeks booking in advance, but "God will make a way, where there seems to be no way"!  Now, I have an official date with God!  So excited about that!  In the hectic busy life of HK, with our jobs, with our ministry work, family commitments, friends to see etc.  We keep doing and doing, but we hardly have any solitude time!  I really need this solitude time, to get myself away from all the busyness just to reflect on my life, my walk and my faith.  To reshape my life! 

I can't wait!  It truly feels like I'm anticipating for a special date with a guy that I long for.

I've wanting to write this blog entry for awhile, but too scared that I will cry and cry when I do it.

It's been 1 month since my aunt's returned to God's kingdom.  It hasn't been easy!  I am still not able to get to sleep without the TV on because I'm scared of the thoughts that quietness brings to my head.  When these emotional thoughts go in my head, I just pray and pray for God to help me.

I truly praise God since my aunt passed away that everything (all the funerals things) have so smoothly and effectively.  Even my mum has noticed and she believes is because my aunt has over see this situation and blessed for the smoothness, but I told her it's because of God.  And my mum's reply was "Of course you would say that!"  May God truly help my mum to see these are all works of God! 

It truly it's awesome to experience the 1st ever Christian funeral, especially for my family.  I can see how they are curious about it and how Chinese - with their traditions, how they have misconceptions about Christianity.  One of my uncle's worried that my Big Aunt would not be able to understand Jesus as my Big Aunt didn't know English.  Another uncle thought how awful it is that my Big Aunt has nothing to eat on the alter since she loves eating.  One auntie asked about whether I truly believe that I can see my Big Aunt once again and I told her "Yes!", but then she asked, many people say they are Christians and they accepted Jesus, but they still commit murder and sin, can they go to heaven.  I told her God looks at our hearts and not we say outwardly.  I pray that God will continue to work in all my family's heart that they continue to be curious about God and seek Him.  May God help them to clear all the misconceptions.  May they truly see that Jesus is the Lord of All.  No matter what culture, what ethnic, what you believed in the past!

I tell myself I should not be sad anymore, because I know my aunt is with God!  Yes, I'm truly joyful in terms of that, but I'm sad because I truly miss her.  Besides my own mother, my Big Aunt was like a mum to be, more that an aunt.  Anything that my mum sometimes can't do with me.  My Big Aunt would be the 1st to help me.  She used to come to my flat to clear, to cook.  She would go shopping with me, flat hunt with me.  She used to take care of me as a baby.  This is why I also want to celebrate mother's day with her every year.  I truly miss having her around.  I really never thought that Thursday would be the last time I spoke to her.  I was so anticipating for her baptism.  (Oh no, tears are flooding again.  I haven't cried for 2 weeks now!)

Sleeping on my own in my flat brings up thoughts, but going to stay over night at my cousin's every Friday hasn't been easy either cause that's my aunt's home.  I want to be 100% supportive to my cousin and uncle, I want them to see God.  My cousin has recently accepted Jesus, but she hasn't yet walked in God.  I want to be my her side and set her foot on this walk.

I looked back on the last 3 months, it was tough but it all happened so fast.  In the months that my aunt was sick I had to squeeze in 3nights of my time to visit her over my work and different ministry work.  I tried to keep up with every tasks because I told myself the world will not stop moving just because I'm facing one big crisis.  It was truly draining, but it was worth it as I got to spend the last days of my Big Aunt's life with her, shared the gospel with her and prayed with her each time.  Seeing her deteriorated every day was so painful.  Though this was the case, we never cried in front of her for 1 minute as we didn't want to worry her about her condition.  But God was truly on top of the situation, He was truly preparing my aunt's heart, preparing for her return to God.  God has placed my aunt on a bed in the nursing home next to an old lady whom sons and daughters were Christians.  In fact the old lady's daughter was a pastor.  So besides me, God has also used other servants to lead my aunt on her way.

As for me, God has truly helped me to learn about urgency.  Urgency to grasp any and every opportunity to share, to bring more people to Jesus.  God is patiently waiting for more of His creation to return to Him and it is our duty as His disciples to do that.

Acts 13:47
For this is what the Lord has commanded us: " 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.' "

God has also made me learn our life is truly not about ourselves, but about others, about how to love them and bring them to God.   During my aunt's illness, I thought to myself how I much prefer to go through what I went through last year - with a horrible job, an intolerant lecture, hospitalisation due to stress, as all that was all about me, a burden that I have to bear on my own.  But this year with my Big Aunt, with my family, the burden was no longer just about me or how I need to grow closed to God and be more reliant in God.  It was about others, how I need to be more concern and loving towards others.

I can see how my prayers have changed over the last 12 months.  Since the STM in last July, my prayers have began to be less and less self-requests, but instead, requests for others.  Especially in the last 3 months, my prayers has been much more of praising, praising God for whom He is, letting God know my true desires, not tagging with any Plan Bs, giving God options and putting God in a box.  When I didn't put God in a box, I have learnt to appreciate so much more, more of everything around me, the small details too!

Each hardship, each test and trail we go though it's never easy, but we will come out stronger that before.  There is always something that God wants us to learn from it.  To be more spiritual discipline, to be more like Jesus, to be more obedient to God.  I thank God for being my shepherd, my guide, my light, my path and so much more.